Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Special Needs Parents
Thank you to Paul & Becky Daily for allowing us to post their thoughts here. Paul and Becky coordinate the Dallas ministry team for Growing Families. Paul and Becky radiate JOY and we are inspired by their example. If you are a family with a special needs child, this article will encourage you. If not, this will help you see life from a different perspective. If you'd like to contact Paul & Becky, see the link to their blog below.
Grace and peace to you,
The GFI Houston Team
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are a conspicuous family.
When you have 5 boys, people tend to notice. When two of the five are adopted from South Korea, people tend to notice.When one of the five is special needs, people tend to notice.
And when you are a conspicuous family, you learn that people will make comments and ask questions. It just comes with the territory.
Our youngest was born two years ago. He was a miracle from the beginning since we had long given up the hope of having another biological child. The pregnancy was very normal, but the moment Titus was born, we became aware of his special needs. The list is long and issues we were faced with at birth are no longer the issues we are faced with now. Titus is deaf-blind and has breathing and muscle tone issues. He is on oxygen 24x7. He has a cochlear implant which is very noticeable. At the age of two, he is not able to walk and can only support himself in a sitting position for a few minutes. We have had numerous surgeries and hospital stays. I mention that to say, his special needs are very noticeable when you meet him. But he is also very cognizant, very happy, and very content.
We do not let his needs hold us back. We are a very active family and take Titus with us everywhere we go.
We are finding that when we are out in public with Titus, we have parents who have special needs children that will come and talk to us. And over the last two years, we have learned a few things about parents of special needs children.
It's hard work - plain and simple. Parenting any child can be hard work (we have lots of experience with that), but parents of children with special needs face a whole slew of other challenges - and that in itself can make life hard. So when they find someone else who can relate, you automatically feel a connection because they know you understand.
We wish we could convey that to others, but the main thing we would like to say is this - if you can show compassion to them, show it; if you do an act of kindness (even just opening a door with a smile), do it. A simple smile in their direction means so much more than turning away and acting like you do not see them and their child.
Realize that the very act of being out of the house for this family can be a lot of work. But wherever they are, they are there because they chose to be, and not to be an object to be pointed at, stared at, or ignored. Treat them like you would treat any other person.
Tell them their child is beautiful - it is something they don't hear often (a worker at one of the fast-food restaurants told us how beautiful Titus was this weekend - and it was sweet music to our ears).
Don't talk about their child like he isn't there - respect that he is and can hear you. Realize that due to a child's needs, he may require our attention while you are talking. Please realize we are not ignoring you, but have to address his needs immediately.
Don't ask questions about the child's needs immediately. It's just rude. Get to know the family before asking personal questions about their child's needs. There are times a parent just wants to be included in the same conversation that everyone else is having, and not having to answer questions about their child.
Ask how they (the parent) are doing – they also need to feel like you are interested in them – not just their child.Know that their schedule revolves around therapy, doctor's appointments, and other children. Due to the child's needs, they might not get to take family vacations or attend fun family activities. Realize, that families with special needs don't get invited to come over to someone else's home, their other kids may not get invited to birthday parties or other activities, or they may get invited but may not get to attend. Include the family like you would any other family. They still like to hear that they are invited to participate. If they can come, they will make every effort - it just requires some advanced planning.
And, pay attention to the other children. They are use to people asking about their sibling with needs and sometimes they feel forgotten since no one notices or asks about them.
Know that having a special needs child can put an incredible strain on the marriage of parents. Statistics show that divorce among parents with special needs is high. And we can understand that. Tending to a child 24x7 does not leave time for date nights or weekend getaways. It takes away from time couples spend together. If you can offer to keep their child for an hour so they can go out and have a cup of coffee, it can mean the world to them. It may mean you have to spend an hour just learning the basics of how to care for the child, but we can say having friends and family that can assist in the caregiving of our child helps us continue to have time for a date and time to be a husband and wife.
For us, we strive to keep life as normal and fun as possible for the other boys - we make sure they know that Titus is part of our family and we include him in all of our activities - it just takes some extra work and effort.
And last point, know that the parents of special needs children have received an incredible blessing that has forever affected their lives. We said one time that no one prays for a special needs child, they pray for a healthy child. But we can tell you that the last two years with Titus has changed us in a way that we never dreamed - and we can't imagine life without him.
About the authors:
Paul & Becky D live in Frisco, TX. Paul is the Director of HR at an outsourcing company and Becky is a full-time mom to their 5 boys ages 12-2. They homeschool their boys, teach parenting classes and speak on parenting topics. They are blessed to have both sets of grandparents who live in town and two nurses who assist in their daily life. Their blog about Titus (and other things) is http://www.thelifeoftitus.blogspot.com.
Thank you to Paul & Becky Daily for allowing us to post their thoughts here. Paul and Becky coordinate the Dallas ministry team for Growing Families. Paul and Becky radiate JOY and we are inspired by their example. If you are a family with a special needs child, this article will encourage you. If not, this will help you see life from a different perspective. If you'd like to contact Paul & Becky, see the link to their blog below.
Grace and peace to you,
The GFI Houston Team
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are a conspicuous family.
When you have 5 boys, people tend to notice. When two of the five are adopted from South Korea, people tend to notice.When one of the five is special needs, people tend to notice.
And when you are a conspicuous family, you learn that people will make comments and ask questions. It just comes with the territory.
Our youngest was born two years ago. He was a miracle from the beginning since we had long given up the hope of having another biological child. The pregnancy was very normal, but the moment Titus was born, we became aware of his special needs. The list is long and issues we were faced with at birth are no longer the issues we are faced with now. Titus is deaf-blind and has breathing and muscle tone issues. He is on oxygen 24x7. He has a cochlear implant which is very noticeable. At the age of two, he is not able to walk and can only support himself in a sitting position for a few minutes. We have had numerous surgeries and hospital stays. I mention that to say, his special needs are very noticeable when you meet him. But he is also very cognizant, very happy, and very content.
We do not let his needs hold us back. We are a very active family and take Titus with us everywhere we go.
We are finding that when we are out in public with Titus, we have parents who have special needs children that will come and talk to us. And over the last two years, we have learned a few things about parents of special needs children.
It's hard work - plain and simple. Parenting any child can be hard work (we have lots of experience with that), but parents of children with special needs face a whole slew of other challenges - and that in itself can make life hard. So when they find someone else who can relate, you automatically feel a connection because they know you understand.
We wish we could convey that to others, but the main thing we would like to say is this - if you can show compassion to them, show it; if you do an act of kindness (even just opening a door with a smile), do it. A simple smile in their direction means so much more than turning away and acting like you do not see them and their child.
Realize that the very act of being out of the house for this family can be a lot of work. But wherever they are, they are there because they chose to be, and not to be an object to be pointed at, stared at, or ignored. Treat them like you would treat any other person.
Tell them their child is beautiful - it is something they don't hear often (a worker at one of the fast-food restaurants told us how beautiful Titus was this weekend - and it was sweet music to our ears).
Don't talk about their child like he isn't there - respect that he is and can hear you. Realize that due to a child's needs, he may require our attention while you are talking. Please realize we are not ignoring you, but have to address his needs immediately.
Don't ask questions about the child's needs immediately. It's just rude. Get to know the family before asking personal questions about their child's needs. There are times a parent just wants to be included in the same conversation that everyone else is having, and not having to answer questions about their child.
Ask how they (the parent) are doing – they also need to feel like you are interested in them – not just their child.Know that their schedule revolves around therapy, doctor's appointments, and other children. Due to the child's needs, they might not get to take family vacations or attend fun family activities. Realize, that families with special needs don't get invited to come over to someone else's home, their other kids may not get invited to birthday parties or other activities, or they may get invited but may not get to attend. Include the family like you would any other family. They still like to hear that they are invited to participate. If they can come, they will make every effort - it just requires some advanced planning.
And, pay attention to the other children. They are use to people asking about their sibling with needs and sometimes they feel forgotten since no one notices or asks about them.
Know that having a special needs child can put an incredible strain on the marriage of parents. Statistics show that divorce among parents with special needs is high. And we can understand that. Tending to a child 24x7 does not leave time for date nights or weekend getaways. It takes away from time couples spend together. If you can offer to keep their child for an hour so they can go out and have a cup of coffee, it can mean the world to them. It may mean you have to spend an hour just learning the basics of how to care for the child, but we can say having friends and family that can assist in the caregiving of our child helps us continue to have time for a date and time to be a husband and wife.
For us, we strive to keep life as normal and fun as possible for the other boys - we make sure they know that Titus is part of our family and we include him in all of our activities - it just takes some extra work and effort.
And last point, know that the parents of special needs children have received an incredible blessing that has forever affected their lives. We said one time that no one prays for a special needs child, they pray for a healthy child. But we can tell you that the last two years with Titus has changed us in a way that we never dreamed - and we can't imagine life without him.
About the authors:
Paul & Becky D live in Frisco, TX. Paul is the Director of HR at an outsourcing company and Becky is a full-time mom to their 5 boys ages 12-2. They homeschool their boys, teach parenting classes and speak on parenting topics. They are blessed to have both sets of grandparents who live in town and two nurses who assist in their daily life. Their blog about Titus (and other things) is http://www.thelifeoftitus.blogspot.com.
Grace and peace to you,
The GFI Houston Team
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are a conspicuous family.
When you have 5 boys, people tend to notice. When two of the five are adopted from South Korea, people tend to notice.When one of the five is special needs, people tend to notice.
And when you are a conspicuous family, you learn that people will make comments and ask questions. It just comes with the territory.
Our youngest was born two years ago. He was a miracle from the beginning since we had long given up the hope of having another biological child. The pregnancy was very normal, but the moment Titus was born, we became aware of his special needs. The list is long and issues we were faced with at birth are no longer the issues we are faced with now. Titus is deaf-blind and has breathing and muscle tone issues. He is on oxygen 24x7. He has a cochlear implant which is very noticeable. At the age of two, he is not able to walk and can only support himself in a sitting position for a few minutes. We have had numerous surgeries and hospital stays. I mention that to say, his special needs are very noticeable when you meet him. But he is also very cognizant, very happy, and very content.
We do not let his needs hold us back. We are a very active family and take Titus with us everywhere we go.
We are finding that when we are out in public with Titus, we have parents who have special needs children that will come and talk to us. And over the last two years, we have learned a few things about parents of special needs children.
It's hard work - plain and simple. Parenting any child can be hard work (we have lots of experience with that), but parents of children with special needs face a whole slew of other challenges - and that in itself can make life hard. So when they find someone else who can relate, you automatically feel a connection because they know you understand.
We wish we could convey that to others, but the main thing we would like to say is this - if you can show compassion to them, show it; if you do an act of kindness (even just opening a door with a smile), do it. A simple smile in their direction means so much more than turning away and acting like you do not see them and their child.
Realize that the very act of being out of the house for this family can be a lot of work. But wherever they are, they are there because they chose to be, and not to be an object to be pointed at, stared at, or ignored. Treat them like you would treat any other person.
Tell them their child is beautiful - it is something they don't hear often (a worker at one of the fast-food restaurants told us how beautiful Titus was this weekend - and it was sweet music to our ears).
Don't talk about their child like he isn't there - respect that he is and can hear you. Realize that due to a child's needs, he may require our attention while you are talking. Please realize we are not ignoring you, but have to address his needs immediately.
Don't ask questions about the child's needs immediately. It's just rude. Get to know the family before asking personal questions about their child's needs. There are times a parent just wants to be included in the same conversation that everyone else is having, and not having to answer questions about their child.
Ask how they (the parent) are doing – they also need to feel like you are interested in them – not just their child.Know that their schedule revolves around therapy, doctor's appointments, and other children. Due to the child's needs, they might not get to take family vacations or attend fun family activities. Realize, that families with special needs don't get invited to come over to someone else's home, their other kids may not get invited to birthday parties or other activities, or they may get invited but may not get to attend. Include the family like you would any other family. They still like to hear that they are invited to participate. If they can come, they will make every effort - it just requires some advanced planning.
And, pay attention to the other children. They are use to people asking about their sibling with needs and sometimes they feel forgotten since no one notices or asks about them.
Know that having a special needs child can put an incredible strain on the marriage of parents. Statistics show that divorce among parents with special needs is high. And we can understand that. Tending to a child 24x7 does not leave time for date nights or weekend getaways. It takes away from time couples spend together. If you can offer to keep their child for an hour so they can go out and have a cup of coffee, it can mean the world to them. It may mean you have to spend an hour just learning the basics of how to care for the child, but we can say having friends and family that can assist in the caregiving of our child helps us continue to have time for a date and time to be a husband and wife.
For us, we strive to keep life as normal and fun as possible for the other boys - we make sure they know that Titus is part of our family and we include him in all of our activities - it just takes some extra work and effort.
And last point, know that the parents of special needs children have received an incredible blessing that has forever affected their lives. We said one time that no one prays for a special needs child, they pray for a healthy child. But we can tell you that the last two years with Titus has changed us in a way that we never dreamed - and we can't imagine life without him.
About the authors:
Paul & Becky D live in Frisco, TX. Paul is the Director of HR at an outsourcing company and Becky is a full-time mom to their 5 boys ages 12-2. They homeschool their boys, teach parenting classes and speak on parenting topics. They are blessed to have both sets of grandparents who live in town and two nurses who assist in their daily life. Their blog about Titus (and other things) is http://www.thelifeoftitus.blogspot.com.
posted by Evangeline at
11:33 AM
0 Comments
Monday, October 19, 2009
Rude Kids--Too Much Self-Esteem?
A friend across the country recently brought a very interesting article to our attention. Written by Chuck Colson, it addresses the issue of the seeming epidemic of rude kids today--a trend that is hard to ignore if you're around children at all. We adults in America are growing accustomed to children ignoring us to the point of rudeness. No eye contact, no greeting, and a grumpy face are norm, not the exception these days.
This is where families who have worked hard to train their children to be "other oriented" (as we are encouraged to do in Growing Kids God's Way) stand out like lights in a dark world! When our Growing Kids God's Way friends come over with their children it it like a breath of fresh air...those children come and give us a hug and look us in the eye and say "Thank you for having us over Mrs. Reed," or 'It was so nice for you to invite us." Wow. What a refreshing change.
Read the whole article here:
http://www.crosswalk.com/parenting/kids/11603877/
Let us know what you think!
A friend across the country recently brought a very interesting article to our attention. Written by Chuck Colson, it addresses the issue of the seeming epidemic of rude kids today--a trend that is hard to ignore if you're around children at all. We adults in America are growing accustomed to children ignoring us to the point of rudeness. No eye contact, no greeting, and a grumpy face are norm, not the exception these days.
This is where families who have worked hard to train their children to be "other oriented" (as we are encouraged to do in Growing Kids God's Way) stand out like lights in a dark world! When our Growing Kids God's Way friends come over with their children it it like a breath of fresh air...those children come and give us a hug and look us in the eye and say "Thank you for having us over Mrs. Reed," or 'It was so nice for you to invite us." Wow. What a refreshing change.
Read the whole article here:
http://www.crosswalk.com/parenting/kids/11603877/
This is where families who have worked hard to train their children to be "other oriented" (as we are encouraged to do in Growing Kids God's Way) stand out like lights in a dark world! When our Growing Kids God's Way friends come over with their children it it like a breath of fresh air...those children come and give us a hug and look us in the eye and say "Thank you for having us over Mrs. Reed," or 'It was so nice for you to invite us." Wow. What a refreshing change.
Read the whole article here:
http://www.crosswalk.com/parenting/kids/11603877/
Let us know what you think!
posted by Evangeline at
10:54 AM
1 Comments
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Welcome to our new site!
The Houston area key couples would like to welcome you to our new Houston area Growing Kids God's Way site! We hope the information shared here will be useful to you. Our prayer is that this site may help those of us in the Greater Houston Area to "not grow weary" in our parenting journey, but to encourage one another--finding ways to connect with other families who are diligently applying biblical principles in their parenting. Please help us by providing any feedback on this site or on what you would like to see us offer to the Growing Kids God's Way families and class leaders in our area.
God's richest blessings be upon all of our families as we live with the understanding that parenting is a "Kingdom" issue--and our efforts today may impact generations to come!
For more pertinent parenting topics, be sure to visit the official Growing Kids God's Way blog.
Your Houston Area Growing Families Key Couples:
Southwest Houston/Lake Jackson/Freeport
Michael & Jody Krogstad
Southeast Houston/Clearlake/Pearland
Doug & Linda Strahm
West Houston/Katy/Northwest Houston/290 Area
Alan & Helen Buckner
North Houston/The Woodlands/Spring/Kingwood/Humble
Tom & Evangeline ReedLabels: Growing Kids God's Way, Key Couples, Welcome
The Houston area key couples would like to welcome you to our new Houston area Growing Kids God's Way site! We hope the information shared here will be useful to you. Our prayer is that this site may help those of us in the Greater Houston Area to "not grow weary" in our parenting journey, but to encourage one another--finding ways to connect with other families who are diligently applying biblical principles in their parenting. Please help us by providing any feedback on this site or on what you would like to see us offer to the Growing Kids God's Way families and class leaders in our area.
God's richest blessings be upon all of our families as we live with the understanding that parenting is a "Kingdom" issue--and our efforts today may impact generations to come!
For more pertinent parenting topics, be sure to visit the official Growing Kids God's Way blog.
Your Houston Area Growing Families Key Couples:
Southwest Houston/Lake Jackson/Freeport
Michael & Jody Krogstad
Southeast Houston/Clearlake/Pearland
Doug & Linda Strahm
West Houston/Katy/Northwest Houston/290 Area
Alan & Helen Buckner
North Houston/The Woodlands/Spring/Kingwood/Humble
Tom & Evangeline Reed
God's richest blessings be upon all of our families as we live with the understanding that parenting is a "Kingdom" issue--and our efforts today may impact generations to come!
For more pertinent parenting topics, be sure to visit the official Growing Kids God's Way blog.
Your Houston Area Growing Families Key Couples:
Southwest Houston/Lake Jackson/Freeport
Michael & Jody Krogstad
Southeast Houston/Clearlake/Pearland
Doug & Linda Strahm
West Houston/Katy/Northwest Houston/290 Area
Alan & Helen Buckner
North Houston/The Woodlands/Spring/Kingwood/Humble
Tom & Evangeline Reed
Labels: Growing Kids God's Way, Key Couples, Welcome
posted by Dr. Tom Reed at
12:20 AM
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